Evening Sun

There is just something about the setting sun...

This was one of the many shots I took out at Lake Hefner in OKC.

The lake,
the sunset,
the gulls
all seem
to call out to me,
they lure me in
just as a fish
is lured to a wiggling worm
on the end of a hook--
I cannot help myself,
I take picture after picture
aching desperately
to share
with those who cannot be there
just what this beauty is that I see.

The sunset,
the water,
the beautiful sky
all call to me
and my hope,
my wish
is to share with others
the intense Beauty
that I am allowed
to see.

With Love,
Pamela Rae

Day of Awakening

Woke up this morning just like every other morning--my little puppy licking my face, demanding that I let him outside to go potty. "But it's not even daylight yet!" I complained to my little guy. He didn't care. This is a brand new day, "come on, let's get started!" he seemed to say as his little body wriggled and shook and he let out a great big good morning yawn and stretched.

"Okay, okay--I'm up!" I kind of grumbled, but then he was just so darn cute, I couldn't stay too grumpy. He nearly flew out the door when I opened it and he did his thing, then came bounding back in, grabbing his toy football on the way and daring me to "tackle" him to get it--but hey, I hadn't even had my coffee yet. Do you think he cared? Nope. He comes over and drops the little red football at my feet and looks up at me with what I swear looked like a real smile and I bend down to pick it up to throw it for him, but this little guy grabs it just a split second before I could and does his mock "angry growl" at me. He wants me to chase him and try to grab the ball--but I've done this drill before and there is no way I can catch this little rascal. He's just too fast. But I chase him anyway and we play for a few minutes, then finally he is content to play his own game while I make my coffee.

Finally, coffee cup in hand--the aroma wafting through my senses, I am beginning to feel "alive" and I go in and fire up my computer to check my email. Each morning I get a very special email from "The Universe" and today's message was kind of neat, but it was a link down towards the bottom that blew me away when I clicked on it and saw the "U-Tube" video that the Universe wanted to share. This video is about an amazing man born with no limbs. He goes around to various schools giving inspirational speeches and the video depicts several areas of his life that demonstrate his amazing perseverance and abilities to deal with everyday life and to live his amazingly "normal" life. His name is Nick Vujicic and he speaks with an endearing European accent and a very open heart. I hope you will get to find his video on U-tube.

He has inspired me to be the very best I can be, to live each day to the fullest and to be thankful for the many true blessings in my life. If you'll go to www.tut.com and check out this website, you'll find a wealth of goodness and fun. Go ahead and sign up to receive these inspirational (not religious) messages from the Universe each weekday. It's free and believe me, there are gems to be found on this site, and in the messages that you'll receive and even if you wake up grumpy, you can't help but think something good is about to happen once you realize that "Thoughts become Things."

Anything is possible if we will only believe! I'm not talking about believing in religion--just believing that we as human beings can make a difference, can bring about change and can influence our own lives, the lives of our loved ones by BELIEVING that GOOD WILL PREVAIL. Try it--start thinking good, positive thoughts and watch your world around you begin to change for the better. Even before Nick's inspirational video--I have always believed that GOOD BEGETS GOOD AND BAD BEGETS BAD. But now I am even more aware that our THOUGHTS DO BECOME THINGS.

If you wake up and tell yourself it's going to be a crummy day, believe me--that's just what you'll get. If you wake up and think, "this is going to be a great day--I'm going to make it Happen!"--your day WILL be GREAT. All you have to do is focus on the positive and know that good is coming your way.

Thanks, Universe for allowing me the joy of awakening to a new day! Today is going to be FANTASTIC!!!

Flowers

Autumn at the Lake

This Love

If ever I find the words
to express this huge
all encompassing love
that lives inside my heart--
I hope these words
will find a way
to go straight to you.
For in knowing you,
loving you,
sharing times and memories
with you--
I have found
such a love
that envelopes my being
my very soul.
You see--
this love
that dwells within
is so great
and so huge
and so very intense
that it threatens
to erupt
in a happiness
and joy
that knows no bounds.
This love?
It is Sincerity
and Friendship,
Companionship,
Joy,
Truth
and life.

This love?
Dedicated to all
in my life
who truly love me
and who truly care
and who take the time
to reach out and share.

I am so abundantly blessed.
This love.--
Always I will search
for just the right words
to express to you,
My Friends, my Family,
my Fellow man--
just how very much
this gift of your friendship,
your love and warmth
mean to me.

As long as there is
this wonderous encompassing love
my spirit will forever
soar FREE. #

Loving Willa

Originally written on January 18, 2008--(Accidentally erased in early September)


I met her briefly when I first bought my house. At the time, she just seemed like another elderly lady who lived alone and was kind of eccentric in her own little ways. I figured she would never understand or get along with the likes of me, so didn't try too hard to get further acquainted with her. But part of me really wished I could get to know her anyway...

Then came the ice storm in early December 2007. Along with the ice storm came the power outages and as I sat in my house in the cold darkness, I began to wonder and worry about my elderly neighbor lady next door. At least I had a wood burning fireplace. What if she was over there with no source of heat at all?

So, off I go, traipsing across the frozen grass--cringing as each step crunched under my feet. I felt saddened to look around at all the trees on our street that were laden with ice. My neighbor's tree had already dropped a huge chunk of a limb. I shook my head in sadness, then turned back to my "mission" and knocked on my neighbor's door.

It took a few minutes, but she finally made it to the door wrapped in a blanket. She opens the door, "Why hello there, come on in!" she greets me warmly. I walk into her home and could smell the foul odor of kerosene--she was burning two kerosene lamps so she had light--ugh--the smell made me a little sick and I worried that it wasn't good for Willa to be sitting in this cold house breathing those fumes. I manage to talk her into coming over to my place and hanging out with me--we turned out her kerosene lamps and brought over her big flashlight and her medications (she's diabetic) and we slowly made the distance of our yards back over to my place.

I had the fire going and it was doing quite well and put off a good amount of light and heat. We sat there in front of the fire and chatted and got to know one another. I loved hearing stories about her life--she's 86 years young and has lived through a lot of changes. Willa has survived the death of her daughter many years ago--a tragic accident took her daughter's young life at the age of 25--leaving behind two little boys. Willa played a huge role in shaping her grandson's lives and I know that they must think the world of this strong, caring woman. When Willa was only in her 40's, she lost her husband of many years to cancer and found herself alone and on her own. She had been dabbling in the real estate business while her husband was alive, but now it became a necessitated career and apparently she did quite well at it.

Since that day in early December when the power was out, I have come to know and love Willa quite dearly. She is a wonderful lady and full of life--though like most people her age, she hates that her body is not as cooperative as it once was. Still she is someone that I cherish and truly am blessed to have in my life and always I will be thankful that the power was off that cold December day. Losing the power gave me the power to get acquainted with this fascinating and very nice, caring woman who still has so much to share with me and the rest of the world.

-------------------------------


An Update On My Beloved Willa--September 28, 2008

These last several months Willa has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and it has been a very painful ordeal for all those who love her so dearly. Watching this vibrant, fun woman deteriorate before our very eyes has been a torment that is so very hard to convey--but the beauty is that every now and then, the Willa we all know and love comes through and even though it's just for a few brief moments--it does my heart good to get those glimpses.

All too soon Willa will have to leave with her son to go live in Florida. One of her grandson's and his sweet family lives there. Her son is also planning on retiring there in the near future--so it makes sense that they move her to be closer to her relatives. Hopefully they will be able to find her a very nice assisted living center and make sure that she is in very good hands. My sweet Willa truly does need round the clock care, as she has lost her ability to remember the important details of her life such as remembering to take her insulin injections on time, remembering her pills, remembering to check her sugar levels, remembering to eat sometimes...

But as I said, now and then our true Willa surfaces and when that keen sense of humor of hers kicks in and she's smiling and feeling mischievous.

My sisters and one of my nieces and my sweet cousin, Susie and I all got together the other night. Susie set up her karaoke machine and we were having a great time with it and then Susie had to leave with her oldest daughter for a bit and when she came back she said that Willa was sitting outside on her front porch. We went over there and Willa sure enough was sitting outside with two of her great grandchildren and then another little one appeared. We brought them over to my house to join us in singing for a bit. Willa wasn't real sure she wanted to do this, but then, I wasn't giving her much of a choice...

Once there, she sits on the couch and her sweet little 11 year old grand daughter doesn't hesitate too long before she takes over with the "mike" and starts singing to some of the tunes that Susie is playing on her machine. Willa was loving it and enjoying it so much that she asked me to run over to her house and tell her son and her grandson (the children's dad) to come over and hear this. So I went to get them and they stayed for a bit and listened to this little girl with her sweet melodic voice and Willa was smiling and enjoying herself. We ended the evening with a couple of fun songs, "Zipadee doo da and Zipadee day" and also "Supercalfragilistic" and Willa actually sang along with us and looked as though she were having a great time.

I walked Willa and her grand kids back to her house next door and as we walked, our arms around one another's waist, Willa told me, "Well, Sugar, that sure was a fun party!" I don't know if she will remember it for long, but hearing those words brought tears of joy to my eyes and I hugged her and told her that I loved her as she went back into her house.

I do love my Willa. Please, dear angels, dear spirit guides, dear Universe, help my Willa and all those in her sweet family to get through this and please guide each of them and touch their hearts to be kind and understanding of this woman who I know we all love so very dearly.

Please, Willa, please, please try to remember me just a little. You have been a joy in my life and I am so thankful for your friendship and warmth and kindness. Having you to confide in, to share my hopes, my fears, my crazy life with has helped me so very much and I truly appreciate each moment that we were able to share. Always, my dear Willa, you are in my heart and always, you and those in your family are in my prayers. God Bless...

Another Wonderful Birthday Gift!

I guess we'll just call my 53rd birthday the birthday that just keeps on giving! I was given another wonderful gift this very day--the gift of hearing my good friend, Cheryl's voice over the telephone wires. She had left me a voice mail yesterday apologizing for having missed my birthday and by a wonderful stroke of luck, I happened to call her back today just as she was getting home from work!

Hearing her voice was absolutely one of the nicest and most precious gifts I could have ever received! So what if it's not my birthday! Anytime I talk to Cheryl it truly feels like a very special occasion because she is so wonderful at listening and really hearing what I have to say and she gives me wonderful, very thoughtful feedback which is always positive and heartfelt. After two hours of talking to her, my heart feels light, I'm smiling and feeling even more blessed than ever. You see, she is a very dear friend who I met up in Minnesota, one who has touched my heart from early on and I am so glad that my angels sent her into my life. She helped to pull me through some very rough times and kept me grounded when I needed someone to truly listen and care.

Cheryl has so very much wisdom and such a good, kind heart and I feel so honored to count her among my cherished friends. She makes me smile and reminds me that this world I live in is truly GOOD.

Thank you, Cheryl, for your time today--the two plus hours we spent chatting and catching up was such a wonderful way to spend my Sunday evening. You are a true and very cherished treasure of a friend and I am so blessed to have met you when I lived up in MN. Thank you for being my friend, for the smiles. I will always cherish any time that we are able to share and hope that my day to day "antics" and "adventures" give you a few smiles too!

Thank you for the times you think of me, take time to listen and to care. You are so very awesome in so many ways and all who know you must surely see the strong, wise and very caring woman that you are. I know I do!

God Bless!

An Early Birthday Gift

Tomorrow is my 53rd birthday, but yesterday (last evening) I was given one of my birthday presents early and it was one of the nicest gifts I have ever received! My dear friend that I have known since I was a kid on Briarlane called me and we talked for well over an hour. I had been missing her terribly and talking to her suddenly made my world feel so right and good again!!!

Loretta has always been like a big sister to me and has always brightened my days since I first met her. When I was a kid, she used to take the time to really listen to the things that poured out of my heart and she always made me feel like I mattered to her. I loved babysitting her kiddos because it was something I could do to help repay her for all the times she made me feel loved and accepted--plus her kids were so adorable and fun to be with too!

Even now, when we talk--she makes me feel like I am the only one in her world at the moment--giving me her full attention and listening to all the craziness going on in my life. She laughs with me, makes me know that I truly do matter to her even when her life is so very busy and full.

I needed to hear Loretta's voice last night. For days I have been dealing with my elderly neighbor (who I love dearly) and worrying about her health--and my anxiety levels were rising daily. So much that I have been having "chest pains" that make absolutely no sense. Between talking to Loretta and then later hearing the soothing and caring voice of my soulmate and best friend--I felt so very much at peace and calmed and when I awoke this morning, the pains are gone, I feel rested and once again feel like my world is GOOD!!!

Thank you, Loretta for taking the time to call. Thank you for spending those minutes with me and for sharing with me what is going on in your world and for letting me share with you. Always you will be precious and dear to my heart as are all those in your family. You are not my sister by blood, but always, always you are my sister by choice and in my heart. I love you dearly. I am so blessed to have you in my life and the many others who love me and care!!! Life is GOOD!!!

Am I so wrong? Seeking Understanding

No one really understands this complete and total love I feel for other people. I just love people and genuinely accept them and care and in so doing, I see the goodness and the wondrous gifts that they have to share and it makes me love them even more.

The few that I "fall" for are the ones who truly touch me and the ones who allow me to see deep inside of them. There are many that I care about that keep their aura's so hidden that even though I know they are basically good and kind, I do not try to get too close because they have just enough negativity that escapes to build a barrier I dare not cross. But so many are so open with their goodness and kindness and so in NEED. It is when I feel this huge need and I realize that in loving these people I can bring happiness and warmth and acceptance into their lives that I allow my heart to open and accept and then to give. And when that happens, that is when MY HAPPINESS abounds and this joy that people see is there because I am truly feeling genuine love both coming from me and to me.

But so many see that as wrong. Not just my love--but very many people in my life view my way of loving as "dangerous" or "haphazard" or "too giving, too soon, too much, too fast." But I don't b.s. people. I am just ME. When I find someone who touches my core and who I can truly relate with and to, I am an open book and share what is in essence, the REAL me. Those who are in need, who are open to receiving this gift that I have to share seem to rejoice and be thankful to find someone who truly cares and who is honest and straight and doesn't "play head games" just to make a new friend. I did that years and years ago and it only led to misunderstandings and pain. I don't need that anymore.

Now that I have found the beauty of a joyful existence, I know that all I have to do is just be who I truly am and those who are good and who truly care will stick around. Those who are not good move on because they cannot understand someone so basic and so true. They seem to believe that at any moment an ulterior motive is going to surface and spoil it all. Well, my only ulterior motive in being this way, this woman of true warmth and joy and love, is that I just love to love. I love to see the light shine in someone's eyes and know that light is coming straight form their heart. I love to know too, that in my own little way, I help put that light there and helped to bring goodness into their life even if only for a little while, even if it's just for a few days. Every ounce of happiness that escapes from my being is because of this joy that exists within me through giving and receiving very real and very true love. But to so many in today's world, I seem to be doing things all wrong. Now and then I have to wonder, "am I wrong? Should I try to change?"

I don't want to change though. This is who I am. I just wish those who love me, who meet me along the way would accept ME for ME and just allow me to live my life with the Joy of Giving my heart the only way I know how. And that is just by being kind, caring, giving, loving and REAL. That's all I know how to do, to be.

Finding Friendship In Today's World

There is just something about looking forward to the wonders and gifts that knowing a new friend can bring. Now, I'm not talking about material gifts--I'm talking about the gift of finding out what makes another person smile, finding out what adventures and excitement has unfolded in this new friend's life. Isn't it exciting and awesome to meet new people and then find (sometimes to our amazement) that these folks we have just met have lived sometimes almost parallel lives to ours? Who knew?! The magic of friendship is in recognizing that all of us are here to give of ourselves in the hopes that we will receive in return. Those who claim to give completely selflessly are either liars or truly fooling themselves--but never fooling others. Most people can recognize a true and giving heart. Most people will respond to a joyful heart and one who is upbeat and positive because it is positivity and forward thinking that Makes Things Happen. (A very good friend taught me that).
Friendship and warmth are what makes the world go around. Along with the friendship and warmth eventually comes love if the two friends click and find that one another's personal quirks are not so annoying that they cannot blend into the realm of caring and sharing. Alot of folks are intolerant of all who are different and don't hold the same belief system as you do--but my challenge to all people is to just try to embrace someone whose views differ from yours. Take this person into your heart and do your best to at least understand and comprehend their view point. No, you don't have to agree. But at least keep an open mind and lo and behold--you may find that in spite of your differences, you have found a TRUE and CARING friend.
If we all had the same ideas, the same needs, wants, desires and the same opinions and view points--would not this world be a totally boring place to live? I choose to embrace and care and include all walks of life into my world of existence. I share my heart, my warmth, my world with all those who dare to enter my realm of existence--for in my world--there is no prejudice, no hate, no taboos--save for those who are truly evil. And should I run into someone who is evil--I side step them and send a prayer up to my angels, my spirit guides, my Universe to cleanse their tormented soul and help them to find inner peace. Evil comes from an inherent need to be loved and accepted and from pure ignorance of finding the proper ways to ask and seek out that love and acceptance.
Friendship is such a beautiful gift to both give and to receive. It is human nature to want to be accepted by others, to want to be genuinely cared for and treasured for who you TRULY are. A real friend will accept and overlook minor flaws and strive to give joy as well as receive joy from the union of two lone souls who just happened to find a blended path. And should the day come when those friends must part and go separate ways, imagine the gifts that you get to take along as you bid farewell! The gift of having known and loved and cared and learned. For each friend, each soul we meet along the way has a unique story to tell, wondrous life lessons to teach, awesome talents to share and genuine smiles and hugs and real, honest to god warmth to exude from their heart. Just how beautiful is THAT??? Friendship. Don't pass it by. Please stay open and let those souls in who are seeking a true and caring friend. Who doesn't need a friend? I know I do. Always I am open to meeting someone new. I hope you will be too!!! #

Inspirational Sunsets, Clouds

I keep wondering just what it is about preserving life's beautiful moments with pictures...

I find myself traveling through my days, my evenings with camera in hand--I am always looking through a camera lens, trying my best to capture life's most beautiful moments, the artistic displays of nature, the wondrous and fantastic exhibitions that the sky, the clouds, the sunsets perform for me, and for you too. I hope you will enjoy these pictures. Each one "speaks" to me of it's beauty, of the wondrous and beautiful life and blessings that we are given each and every day.

These are just a few of the moments in time I have tried to capture. More to come in the days ahead...

Life is Such a Gift!!!

This life is such a gift! Never have I been more aware of that than these last few weeks. You see, I have had the awesome honor and true pleasure of spending time with my oldest daughter and her sweet family. This has been a very special time, as we have all been awaiting the birth of their newest family member, little Colton. He arrived at 7:15 a.m. on June 5, 2008.
Jenny had carried this child in her womb all these long months and already, we had all come to love him dearly. Even little Camden would walk up to Jenny's hugely swollen pregnant belly and wrap those little arms around her mommy and say, "I love you baby brother."
Jenny was so laden with child and so uncomfortable that I arrived in May to help her through those last weeks of pregnancy. She kept having strong contractions and she was so sure he was going to be born just any moment, but little Colton took his time and only came 2 weeks ahead of his scheduled due date. Thankfully, he was a good weight (8 pounds, 14 ounces) and was quite healthy, save for a bit of jaundice!
I was able to be with my daughter and her husband when their precious son was born and oh my, what a wondrous and beautiful blessing and truly awesome experience! To be able to comfort and encourage my beautiful daughter as she goes through the pains of labor--to see the love flowing between her and her husband, to watch as my daughter so bravely handles her fears and the pain--words can never really describe it adequately! I was so very proud of Jen as she was so determined to have this baby vaginally (her doctor had stated they might need to do a c-section). But that's my daughter. Whenever she decides to do something, she does it!
And now, as I prepare to take my leave after spending a beautiful week getting acquainted with my grandson and helping this little family as best as I can, I leave with a very full heart. I watch my daughter and her husband as they strive to adjust to this wonderful new addition to their family and I feel such pride and assurance that they will all do just fine. Big sister will soon realize the magnitude of her new role, Jenny and Nick will have plenty of love to share with their children and one another and this little family will bond and bring much joy and excitement and many adventures to us all as the years unfold.
I know my angels, my spirit guides, my god and my Universe will surround each of them with love and nurturing guidance (just as they do me and all of my other precious gifts of my loved ones). We all are so very blessed in this life. Yes, life is such a gift! Each morning that I awake, I am abundantly thankful!

Clouds

LOOK WHO'S HERE!!!

I couldn't resist showing off our new addition! Baby Colton was born into a very loving family on June 5th at 7:15 a.m. Mommy, Daddy, Big Sis and Grandma Pam are all excited to have him here and doing well! With Awesome thanks to all who sent wonderfully good vibes and prayers for his safe "journery" into this life!~

My Magnificent Daughter, Jennifer Kay

I remember watching you when you were little--that tiny little petite strawberry blond girl and thinking, "What a wonderful mother you will make some day." I used to watch you take such loving care of your dolls, but you also tried to "mother" your older brother when you both were still pre-school age and then later, when your baby sister came along and she was growing up, you watched over her so lovingly and worried and fretted over her just as if she were your very own child.

Remember taking your sleepy headed little sis into your bed so that you could make sure that she would continue breathing during the night? You were convinced that she had sleep apnea and for all we know you were right--the doctors said that she could very well stop breathing for a few seconds at night, but she would grow out of it one day. Still, you were more comfortable checking on her and keeping her near you. It touched my heart how much you worried about her.

And now I watch you with your own little girl--you, very pregnant and ready to give birth just any day now (to a little boy this time)--and you are such a loving, strong, caring mom. I have such a great admiration for how you handle your child--the loving patience and sweetness you display even when you are extremely exhausted. It amazes me to watch you continue with your daughter's established routine at bed time--your continued determination to fix meals for her and your sweet husband. It melts my heart whenever I hear Cami's sweet little voice telling you she loves you or whenever she is pretending and I hear her talking to her toys in the same loving tones that you use with her.

I loved the time that my puppy was crying and Cami was soothing him, "It's okay, Mr. Paws, it's alright. I'll take care of you..." was her soothing refrain when he first came here and was unsure of his surroundings. I knew that her soothing tone came straight from what she experienced with her loving mommy.

What pride it gives me to know that you have grown into such a beautifully loving and caring young woman! You are a wonderful wife to your sweet husband, a fantastic friend and daughter and a fabulous mother to your daughter and I know you will be just as wonderful with your newborn son. I am honored to be a part of your family, to get to see you "in action" with this sweet little family of yours. You truly are a magnificent woman in every sense of the word. May you always know how very proud you make me and all those who love you!


With Heartfelt Love,


Mom

Happy Birthday To Ron, June 2, 2008

On this special day, June 2, I cannot help but turn my thoughts to one of my favorite people on this earth. Today is my brother Ron’s birthday and though I am not there to wish him a Happy Birthday in person or to give him this huge hug that I carry for him in my heart, I just wanted to tell him in my own way that I love him and cherish his friendship, his kindness and I am so very proud to be his sister, his friend.
Ron is a wonderful person in so very many ways. He is truly caring and thoughtful and good from within. It is a joy to see him interact with his beautiful daughter who is just as devoted to him as he is to her. He loves his child and provides for her lovingly in the best way that he can and he teaches her valuable life lessons of kindness, caring and love and I am so proud of him!
Ron, I hope you have a wonderful birthday and I hope you feel this huge love that I am sending to you on your special day, but also every day of the year! I look forward to seeing you and your sweet Angela soon and hope that you are smiling and enjoying life and knowing that you are so very loved! Happy Birthday, Bro!
With Love Always,
Your sis, Pamela Rae

A Poem by Mom about ME

Sometimes I just miss my mom, you know? Today is one of those days. Perhaps it's because we are so close to celebrating yet another gift of life in our family and I so ache for my mother to be able to be here to see her great grandchild enter this world. I know she is with us in spirit, I feel her near almost every day and I am so thankful for her continued love and guidance even though she left this earth some 13 years ago.

In tribute to my Mom, I thought I would post the poem she wrote for me when I was a teenager struggling with life's many problems and trying to figure out what I believed then to be such heavy and burdensome problems. I was always wondering why the world never loved like I did (and I still wonder that at times)--but my mother knew me best of all back then and knew that this child of hers with this huge capacity for love just needed to be accepted and nurtured and encouraged to continue her quest to be kind and giving and caring.

My mother had a wonderfully loving heart and cared greatly for all of her children and always strived to give them a better life than what she herself had growing up. She gave me the gift of an open and caring heart and the gift of not judging others, but always being open to new and wonderful relationships. Through her and my father I learned to love without bias or prejiduce and I am so thankful for that gift--for my world is surrounded with kind, caring, beautiful, loving people from all spectrums of the rainbow. I am so truly blessed.

The poem below is how my mother saw me as a teenager, and for the most part, it is how I remain:

Ode To Pamela

Thou art the strange one, Pamela
Thy mystical dreams and fantasies
as romantic as a fairy tale
as malcontent as an infant
suckling its mother's withered breast.
Oh, but thou art the sensitive one
As fragile as an egg shell
but nay--not as shallow
for thy depth is unbeknownst
as the depth of the Ocean's waters.
Thou art the sweetest one, Pamela
Thy heart is filled with Love
So that it runneth over the brim
and trickles out like so many fingers
feeling their way to a final destination.
And thou art the silent one, Pamela
And secretive--thinking thou criest alone
When no ears are near to hear
Thinking no one cares
and never aware
that a mother hears with her heart. #

LOVE (AS I KNOW IT)...

Love is all about giving your heart, your trust, your respect your true sense of self. It’s about SHARING yourself, as well. I’m not talking about sexuality—I’m talking about sharing your heart, your knowledge, your warmth and caring that lives within. It is about making sure that all of our fellowmen see and feel that we are here as fellow human beings with the same needs, the same wants the same hopes and dreams as everyone else. We are ALL in this together. Why else do I beseech the Universe for help so often? It’s because I know that when I appeal to the Universe, my spirit guides, my angels, my god above, that I am appealing to all of mankind in this life and in ones past and in ones yet to come. I am calling on all of the spiritual forces to join with me in finding true joy, true acceptance and true and heartfelt love not only to receive, but to GIVE. If all people would approach life in this manner, the wars, the selfishness and greed and hate would cease, for we would all be so busy trying to reach that miraculous feeling of acceptance and warmth and love that we wouldn’t have time to feel the huge negativity that hate, greed and selfishness tends to breed. I guess too what I want to convey is that if someone truly, truly loves me and truly cares about the real, inside ME, they will understand that this is who I am. I am someone who loves to love, loves to give and who loves to bring joy to others. I do realize that there are different degrees of love—such as the love I hold for those in my immediate family, the love I hold for a very special man in my life. But even so, Love is Love. It is a true sense of warmth and a genuine wish to give joy and happiness and acceptance to one's fellow man. Love is a beautiful thing. Would that all could just Love and Be Loved and enjoy the blessings that abound from loving and giving and receiving joyful and true, unbridled love!!! Giving the true warmth and sincerity of caring to all who are sharing this world with me is my definition of Love. (As I know it, anyway!) Life and Love are so VERY GOOD!!! I am so very thankful for the abundant blessings of LOVE in my life!

Anxiously Awaiting Our New Family Member!

You came to me in a dream not so long ago, my dearest little grandson. I dreampt that you were born on May 24th and weighed 8 lbs. and 2 ozs. In my dream, you were beautiful with dark hair and a sweet little face and your mommy and daddy and sister were so jubilant to finally have you here with them! Just as I felt in my dream!

I am your maternal grandmother Pam, dear Colton--and just wanted to write this letter to express to you how very much we are looking forward to having you here with us! I know your Mommy is so ready to hold you in her arms after these many months of lovingly carrying you in her womb. But so many are here waiting anxiously to greet you, to get to know you, to hold you, to love you. Please don't wait too awfully long to make your appearance and please know that when you do arrive in this outside world that all of us here will do our best to make it as safe and comforting and welcoming as we possibly can.


You have a beautiful little 2nd cousin named Kannon Cole who is just a couple of months ahead of you and I know you will have fun getting acquainted with him and growing up with him through the years. You have your 1st cousins, Isis and Zoe who are just precious and will love to get to know you too someday! And then there is our sweet little Jadyn who is also a 2nd cousin who will be glad to know you one day too!

So many in this life waiting to meet you, to love you, dear little one! I know your daddy is anxious to get a relationship going with his son--and your big sister needs her baby brother so she can begin the natural process of learning all about being the "older and wiser" sibling. So, if it's not too soon, please just feel free to come joyfully into this world full of folks who are here anxiously awaiting the true joy of meeting you, loving you, knowing you. Always we will be here to guide you, nurture you and keep you safe and always, always, you will be loved and cherished by this grandma who adores all of ther children and grandchildren far more than written words can convey.

Each new life is a true blessing and a true gift and love is the greatest gift of all. This grandma, your grandpa up north, your mommy and daddy and sister and so many others awaiting you all have a wealth of love to share with you! Hurry home to us, Colton! We're waiting with loving hearts!

Celebration of a Wonderful Gift

Today is an awsome day! It is the 31st anniversary of one of the most wondrous and fabulous gifts that I have ever received! It is the day my first child was born--May 10, 1977. I remember the awe and revereance I felt at being a mother for the very first time and I remember looking at this tiny creature and feeling the complete and utter love and devotion to such a wonderful little human. I was awe struck with how very perfect he looked, how very beautiful he was and how he had been created out of love and a union that was meant to be at the time.

I still remember seeing this tiny baby and realizing at that moment that I was no longer a little girl. My first born was my milestone in life for making me realize that now, I am an adult and that I had a huge task set before me--a task to bring this beautiful child into the world and to create an existence for him that would lend not only a warmth and love of being accepted and needed--but lend a union of self worth and confidence and a sense of belonging in this world that we are destined to inhabit.

My child has grown into a wonderful man--a man who has found his way, a man who is a wonderful father, a wonderful husband and a fantastic son. He has given me many years of pride at having given birth to such a good and wonderful person and I am so blessed and so thankful to have this son in my life. He has accomplished so much in his lifetime and I and his father are so very proud of him.

I wish my son on this 31st anniversary of his birth, all the joy and contentment and inner peace and prosperity that can befall him. He is a wonderful man who is loved so very much. Happy, Happy Birthday, My son. I love you, David!

With heartfelt wishes and love,
Your Mom

Life's Little Surprises

Well, it seems that this is just one of "those" days. I woke up this morning with a smile--the sun was shining and I'd had a good night's sleep. I played with my little cute puppy, Mr. Paws and we had a grand old time chasing around the house--him growling and daring me to take the toy he had from him and me pretending that he was such a big strong doggie and there was no way I could really get it. (Okay, so it wasn't all pretend, this little guy is FAST!). We finally wore ourselves out and I put him in his kennel for a nap while I took a quick shower. After I showered and got dressed, I heard him whining to get out, so took him out back to go potty. Nothing unusual there. He actually went about his business fairly quickly and I was glad because I wanted to get back inside and put my shoes on and dry my hair. But Wait!!! The screen door was locked. Huh??? I pulled, I tugged, I pulled some more and that sucker would just not come open. Hmmm...I knew the front door was locked as was the garage and the overhead was down. . . Hmmm...Here I am, no phone, no shoes, no purse, just me and my little dog...

Okay, don't panic. No need to rip the screen door from it's track, just yet--I'll run over to Willa's and see if she has any advice. Her first thought was to call my friend who works not too far from here. I did. No such luck--he's not able to answer, so I leave a message and explalin my dilemma and then hang up and try to brainstorm what I should do. Pretty soon, it dawns on me that I did leave a window unlocked and cracked in the bathroom when I took a shower! Yes! Maybe I could somehow climb through the window and return to my humble abode. By jove, it could work!!!

I borrow Willa's step stool for assistance and Willa, not being one to miss out on a good "show" decides to accompany me to "make sure all goes according to plan." What she really wanted to come along for was a darn good laugh and yes, she sure got one! Bathroom windows aren't very big, you know and once I got up there and pulled the screen out of the way and raised the window as high as it could go, we BOTH had our doubts about how I was going to fit into this little window. Hmmm...Well, all one can do is try, right? Now keep in mind, throughout this whole ordeal, Willa is being my coach, yet she's laughing so hard that I can't understand a darn thing she's saying--not that it matters anyway--I wouldn't have listened to her ideas anyhow. Her laughter was contagious though and I started laughing so hard I nearly peed my pants and then I made some comment about needing to pee and next thing I know Willa is about doubled over with laughter--the irony was just too much. Here I am with one leg sticking in the bathroom window, my foot groping for purchase on the commode, one leg hanging out on the outside of the house and my inner thighs getting brutally abused by the window sill and the track that I have to perch on as I'm trying to climb in as gracefully as I can. "OW! Man, that hurts!" I yell as I finally kind of roll myself into the bathroom via this tiny window and Willa is no help--she's still hootin' and cacklin' and finally is sober enough to ask, "are you okay in there, darlin'?" Me, always the smiling optimist quip, "oh just peachy, Willa dear!" Then I giggle and am so darn giddy because I realize I've just saved myself a hefty locksmith's fee or at the very least having to replace a back screen on my patio. I retrieve my phone and run around and open the front door and then walk back over to Willa's and give my friend a quick call to let him know I have solved my latest quandry. He was relieved to hear it and apologized for not being available to help--but hey, I figured he'd be busy with work anyway. Whew!!!

Willa is just sure that I was sent to live next door to her strictly for her amusement and entertainment. She constantly tells me what a character I am, but then she says that I remind her so very much of herself when she was a youngin' like me. I like that part best of all, I'm a "youngin'" in Willa's eyes. That and she's one of the coolest old gals I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.

Just one more day in the life of this crazy gal who loves waking up in her house each morning. Yes, even in spite of the fact that somehow this house locked me out, I still love living here and above all, I still feel so very blessed to be here even if it is strictly to keep Willa entertained and amused!!!

I hope all are smiling, healthy and well. Life is Good!!!

Awakening to JOY

Finding the Joy within is such an awesome discovery! Waking up to the beauty surrounding me gives me a pleasure unlike any I have known in quite sometime. It is not just the beauty that my eyes see, but the absolute magnificent beauty that surrounds my heart--beauty given to me from all those who love me and care and beauty coming from me to all those that I hold so precious and dear!
For some time now I have felt so very blessed just to be alive on this great earth of ours. What a joy and what an extreme pleasure to be able to share in the lives of so many, to be able to give as much of my heart as I can and to be positive in my new found world. I have seen true miracles happen with just a smile and a hug, a positive statement, a positive act and it always, always reinforces my belief that as long as we strive to be positive, strive to move forward with a smile in our hearts then GOOD and WONDERFUL things will happen right before our very eyes!
I do not allow the doomsayers to dampen my spirits. Whenever I turn on the news and hear the cries going out for reform, hear the awfulness of what's going on in the mid east, hear the concerns of food shortages and the rising price of gasoline almost daily--I turn it off. And then I take time out to meditate on all the good that is happening around the world and I concentrate on thinking of better times, better days and sending positive vibes out into the world and thinking of a plentiful abundance of food available for all, an abundance of resources so that our earth and all those on it may thrive. Would that all people could concentrate on sending out good and positive vibes and thoughts to all for just 10 minutes a day, I can absolutely be sure that this world would be a better place.
If I could pass along anything while I am living this life on this plane of existence, I would like it to be that EVERYONE HAS THE ABILITY TO AWAKEN TO JOY EACH AND EVERY DAY!!! We can all choose our thoughts. Our thoughts are what creates our Reality.
I choose to think of the good people on this earth who are truly trying and accomplishing making this a better place to be. I choose to think of the beauty that surrounds me and is prevalent no matter where I happen to go. I choose to think of better times ahead and refuse to dwell on what the doomsayers are constantly barraging us with.
Just look around. Spring is here--it is a time for rebirth and a time to realize that in each Season of our lives there is chance to begin again, to find Beauty and inner peace and above all, to find Gratitude and Joy.

I HAD TO SHARE THIS!

Lessons in Life By Regina Brett:

To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 50 this week, so here's an update:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone, everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

So much of the above is how I live, how I believe. Life truly is a Gift! Thank you for sharing this, Cathy. I love you!

Evening on the Lake

Taken Friday Evening at the Lake. Is this true Beauty or what????

Can't help it--I adore sunsets!!!

The Gift of Today

Each day is a new adventure--a new beginning--a gift. I feel like the luckiest woman on earth! In the mornings, I bound out of bed, thrilled to be in my own home--love being awakened by the church bells just down the street, love hearing the traffic rumbling by outside my window. One would think the traffic noise would be disconcerting, but it is almost a comfort to me and I have learned to listen carefully to the birds and distinguish their sweet songs in between the roaring engines and tires on pavement. Everyone in such a hurry to get to their destinations, but that's okay. Perhaps they are just as eager and happy as I am to be starting a new day!

How did I get so lucky? Surrounded by so many who love me and care and only moments away from my siblings who I treasure so very much.

I do love it here. I am so excited about getting a fresh start and spending this part of my life exploring and venturing out to find out just who I really am and finding out what lies ahead. I have finally learned to appreciate me for the first time in my life. I do have good qualities and I am a capable woman. I may not be perfect, but then, who is? I am not afraid to try, not afraid to venture out because I have no one who will blatantly point out my flaws or critisize my opinions and even if someone like that does exist in this new life of mine, I've learned that I do not have to fall prey to anyone's beliefs but my own. Now, tell me, just how awesome is that? I'm definitely a happy woman, definitely on my way and definitely thankful for each and every blessing that I am given.

The gift of today is precious. Just as all those in my life who I hold close to my heart are precious. Life is good.

Look out world, here I come!

Awakening To The Reality of Now

I have tried dilligently to keep a positive and forward thinking attitude. Most days I do very well and remember that Positivity begets Positivity and Negativity attracts just that: Negativity.

I have to admit though--as a very huge chapter in my life closes, I find myself feeling somewhat lost and just a bit frightened. Still, the inner me knows beyond a doubt that all will work out as it should. The sadness that enveloped my heart though was so very hard to bear (and still is)--but I would imagine that in every loss there is a grieving process.

My husband and I (after 25 years of marriage) have signed our divorce papers--ending the long, eventful, roller coaster chapter that was our lives for so very long. The love we always shared is still there--we came to a point that made it impossible for us to move forward in our relationship. Rather than grow to hate one another, we chose to end things as amicably as we could and are very hopeful that we will always remain friends.

Even so, my heart feels a sadness that I never thought I would feel. I carry this ache that dwells deep within. I suppose only time will heal the hurt.

But my greatest ache is wondering if he feels as sad inside, as hurt, as lost as I do and if he will be okay. I pray each day for him to find happiness, for him to be strong and to find someone who will love him, cherish him and be good to him. I pray for him to be healthy and strong and to know that even though we didn't last, somewhere out there is someone who will be his and his alone and who will be so very fortunate to find him.

But then selfishly, I pray too for me to be strong, for me to find a joy with my new life and to always remember to be grateful, to give thanks for the very many blessings that the Universe has bestowed upon me. I know this pain will one day fade into the distance and I will again feel the JOY and HAPPINESS that lives inside of me. We all have to allow time to grieve, to find the strength and stamina and courage to move on.

Sadness will not win. My new NOW is here, but so too am I and as I have discovered in the not too distant past--I HAVE THE POWER to make my life just as I need and want it to be.

GOOD MORNING HOUSE, GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE! GOOD MORNING UNIVERSE AND ANGELS AND SPIRIT GUIDES!!! I LOVE YOU! THANK YOU FOR THE GIFT OF ANOTHER DAY!!!

Sunshine, Soaring and The Wind

I love the mornings when I awaken to the sun shining into my home! Though this morning is a tad on the chilly side, there is the promise of a bright sunny day with at least some warmer temperatures making their presence known by this afternoon. Spring is definitely here and I am more than happy, though I must admit--time goes much too fast these days. I often ponder over how to capture time and make it stand still--especially when I am having such a wonderful time with friends or loved ones, but so far--no luck. Time always, always marches on. I suppose my only choice is to just continue to live, to enjoy and to BE. I am hoping that wind will be agreeable today so that I can get my trikke out and hit the paved trails at the lake. Flying on this trikke with the wind is like a dream come true--I soar and glide and exhalt in the wondrous speed that the wind allows as I work to camber it back and forth. But oh, when I have to "fight" the wind and head back from whence I came--it is a true battle of will. I push, I camber, I push, I camber, I glide a bit--the wind defies my every effort to gather speed and I find myself getting more and more frustrated, yet determined that I AM GOING TO WIN and I keep on, keepin' on and finally, finally, I am back to my starting point. Yes, back to where I started off being good friends with the wind--but the finished battle has left me feeling less than friendly with the wind. I now understand that the wind is two faced and quite ornery if and when one decides to go against the wind's will. That's okay--I can be just as determined and ornery and knowing me, I'll once again take off on my trikke, soaring with the wind only to have to fight the battle of going against that ever present will it displays whenever I choose to turn around to go back. Sunshine and Joy are on MY side--the Wind will just have to realize that and abate. Life is Good!

Later still~~~~

What a beautiful day! I did take my trikke out to the lake and I did soar with the wind and fought hard against it, as well. Sometimes a battle is just something that has to be and as I was heading south on my trikke and cambering to and fro, I fought with all my strength and stayed at it for a good mile and a half. A fight well worth the effort, for then, I was given my just reward--heading back North, I sailed, I soared--the wind at my back, the breeze whizzing right along with me caressing me gently, yet reminding me of it's strength and stamina and helping me by pushing me along. I rejoiced in the ease with which my trikke responded--each camber was a joy and a delight--the smoothness of the glide took hold and I felt the muscles relax in my legs--my quads, my glutes, my hamstrings after their hard workout heading hard into the wind.

And later still--the wind is still prevalent when I return in the evening hours. I rode against my friend and foe, the wind, for a time and again allowed my energy to revive as I sailed with the wind at my back and I stopped--this time doing my best to trick time into thinking I would not give in, not give up. I stopped to watch the sun set over the beautiful lake--I snapped picture after picture of the beauty of it's colors and brilliance falling upon the sailboats docked in their tiny harbor, the lighthouse standing along the shore, a replica of larger, more dutiful cousins that serve on the open seas.

No beauty is as great as a perfect evening of warmth, the caress of the wind, the bluest, clear skies above and the setting sun caressed and kissed by the clouds on the horizon. Will I ever tire of capturing sunsets and sunrises? No, I think not. I can't help myself. I love all of God's wondrous and glorious gifts--especially those that display the beauty of our world. Awesome.

Smiles From The Heart

Whenever I happen to meet someone new and realize (to my delight) that this person is truly a good and caring person--smiles seem to just pour from my heart. The joy that exudes from my inner core is one that carries me through even when the cold winds blow, even when rain falls down around me. Sharing this life with another who truly cares from their heart, their soul is like being given a gift of pure joy and pleasure. It is in the sharing and learning about this new and treasured friend that I become even more aware at how precious life really can be. For now, not only is this My existence and my world, but I am being allowed the gift of awakening to another existence and another world that my friend is experiencing. Learning of the adventures and happenings that my new found friend has experienced is like opening a wonderfully enjoyable book of adventures and holds my rapt attention for as long as the story lasts. And if I'm very lucky, I will get to help write some of the chapters to my friends story--but in so doing, my friend will be writing chapters in my book, as well. What a beautiful thought--two authors in life, together creating new and wondrous adventures--laughing, exploring, discovering. What better way to create true and wonderful Smiles From The Heart?!? Life is Good. Blessings abound and as long as there is honesty and openeness among good friends, there will always be joy and true Smiles from the Heart. Wow!

I Have The Power!!!

Well, I'll be the first to admit that this frigidly cold weather has gotten to me of late. I mean, come on, Mother Nature--I left the North hoping to never see these frigid temperatures again, never to see snow, never to be chilled all the way to my bones--but here I am freezing my tush off and being very grumpy about it too, I might add.

Okay, honestly--my moodiness is based on more than just the weather, but dear old Mother Nature does play a role...

Lately I have been stymied about what to do with my life--face it, I'm not loaded down with life skills (gee, do you think that might be why I have failed in my previous marriages?) Life is tough. It takes such stamina and perseverance to make it and just in the last year or so, I realized too that it takes a HUGE amount of Positivity and forward thinking, as well. How very easy it is in today's world though to lose sight of just that. How very easy it is to turn negative and look at all the "things" that we do NOT have instead of concentrating on all the things and blessings in our lives that we DO have.

Well, this morning, while writing in my daily journal, chronicling my thoughts, my feelings, my happenings of late and then talking to my god, my angels, my spirit guides and imploring the Universe to step up and help me--a miraculous thing happened. The Universe just got right up in my face and practically shouted just this: "YOU HAVE THE POWER!" my first reaction was, "huh, who said that?" then I heard it again, only one word was changed and it said, "I HAVE THE POWER!!!" oh. "Did I just say that?" then, "I DO HAVE THE POWER!!!" And do you know what? The Universe is right!!! I DO have the power! We all do!!! We can all Choose to make our lives whatever it is that we WANT and NEED our lives to BE. All we have to do is make the choice and choose to be positive and to quit giving into the negative thinking, the denial of our blessings, the harshness that invades our senses every time we look around at all the cruelty going on all over the world. WE can change things with our thought process, with our actions by refusing to become a part of the evil, the negativity that claws at each and every one of us.

I have the Power!!! I can choose to look at my life with a grateful heart, to realize that the Power to CHANGE, to BE to INFLUENCE, to WIN is all inside of me. I am NOT a failure as a human being. Just because I do not possess the knowledge and intelligence of knowing how to do the many things that my ex husband (and so many others) could do, I am NOT a failure. (I used to feel so vastly inferior to him because it felt like he knew how to do EVERYTHING. -- I wish then I had known that instead of feeling inferior, I should have felt this vast pride in him and could have recognized that we all have our own talents to give to the world--each different, but just as important as others...)

So you see, I HAVE THE POWER!!! I can change my thinking, I can change my attitude and I can change my belief system to encompass the thought process that YES, I CAN MAKE IT IN THIS WORLD and YES, I CAN SUCCEED AT WHATEVER IT IS I SET OUT TO DO. Now tell me, just how absolutely simple is that??? And you know what? I have this huge, unbelievably WARM SMILE :) nestled safely in my heart and a sense of WELL BEING that is just bursting out of me and I KNOW I can do anything. I DO HAVE THE POWER!!! (BUT SO TOO DO YOU!!!)

Wondrous Sensations

There is nothing better than knowing beyond a doubt that you are loved and cherished. I have been given this woundrous gift of knowing and it's the most beautiful feeling and wondrous sensation I've ever known.

I am loved dearly by so many that it truly amazes me. But the only thing to explain that I guess, is that I give out so much love to others and it just comes back.

What better way to spend one's life than by giving and doing for others as much as we can? I love to help people, to give them comfort and to make them smile. Love to give and receive the human touch--a hug can do such wonderful things to the soul. How many of us go days without someone giving us a genuine, heartfelt hug?

I seldom ever meet a fellow human being that I do not like. Seems that I can always spot the good in people and I seem to be drawn to their goodness. The evil or bad qualities they might have always seem to melt away whenever I come around. Maybe it's that the folks I meet feel my sincerity of wanting to help, of truly caring that their needs are met, that they know that someone on this earth truly cares and loves them for just who they are. I try not to ask my friends to change in any way, preferring to love who they are from within and not who they try to be on the outside to impress me or others.

For anyone who reads this and cannot feel the goodness of being loved and cherished--please know that somewhere there is someone who is waiting just for you. You will know when this person comes along because the wondrous sensations will be so prevalent and so intense that you will have no doubt. And until that happens, if you would like, write to me and I will do my best to send you good vibrations of friendship and love and help in any way I can to put a smile into your heart. Life is too short to be unhappy. I've had to learn that the hard way--but the lesson was well worth it.

Take Care, my friends. Smile and Be Happy and Know that there IS enough love in this world to go around. I promise.

Our Valentine's Gift Has Arrived!

Welcome to your world, little Kannon Cole! It may seem like a rough start, after all, you did arrive just a bit early--but we are all pulling for you! Your Mom has worked so hard to bring you into the world safely and she is so eager to hold you close and to bring you home, so now, we are all sending you our love, our best wishes, our prayers for you to grow strong and healthy. Your big sister is anxious to see you too, to give you her love and her own special welcome into this world. So many are here waiting to welcome you, to love you, to nurture you!

So hurry and get strong, our little Kannon Cole. We are all sending our prayers, our best wishes up for you and your sweet mom and your big sister and we know that you are going to love them and your Na na and Pa pa just as much as the rest of us do! Everyone is anxious to meet you, to know you, to love you!

May God and all His Angels and may our Spirit Guides and all this love flowing from our hearts touch you and help you to grow healthy, fit and strong. You are our precious Valentine Gift and a precious new member of our family.

God Bless you and your sweet Mother and big Sister!!!

With Heartfelt Love,

Your Great-Aunt Pamela Rae

Beginning Again

Okay--so this is just a teeny little setback. I woke up this morning with a crummy cold--but so far, it hasn't been all that bad. For one thing, I have my recent health issues to compare it to, and in comparison--this definitely is a cake walk.

But I will say I am kind of aggravated to be feeling a little "under the weather"-- especially since the weather is actually really NICE right now. The sun has been out, the temps are mild, the wind is low and here I sit--sniffles and a cough and lethargic and no real energy to speak of--but that's okay--tomorrow, my friends, is a BRAND NEW day and tomorrow WILL be BETTER. How do I know? Because I am willing it to be better. I know that I am going to wake up feeling great and ready to tackle some much needed chores that are awaiting me around this house. But even better--me and Mr. Paws are going to get out and enjoy the day and find us some much needed sun shine. And when next Monday rolls around I'm going to feel fantastic and be ready to tackle alot of other "isssues" in my life that have been put on hold. (Times's a wastin' so they say!)

But in the mean time, I guess I'll take it easy and try to finish reading the book I've been reading by Bill Bartman. Damn, it's good! But so too is the book, "Ask and It is Given." I'm learning some valuable lessons through these authors and cannot wait to use the tools that they are providing me. Life is good!

So, here's to New Beginnings! I'm getting a slow start, but please don't let that fool you--the day will come when this woman will have it together, be in full control and find the contentment and happiness and GOOD HEALTH that I seek! For now, I am truly content to count all of my blessings, to realize just how very fortunate I am to have so many in my life who love me and care. I am always guided and nurtured by my Spirit Guides, my angels and that too lends a wonderful comoforting warmth to my soul. But above all, I am so very glad to have my loved ones--my family, my friends. Thank you to each of you who love me and care. Please know that I love you and care so very much in return!!!

My Brother, Ron

I don't know if I can even describe how very much I love my brother, Ron--but I do. I have always felt an extremely close kinship to him and a connection with him that defies true description. Even when we were kids, I thought Ron was special. Always he was my ally and my best bud and when I needed him, truly needed him, he was always there.

Still, to this day--it's like that. I get around Ron and I feel that special bond that I only have with him. It's almost as if we can read each other's thoughts at times--I tend to pick up his vibes and he mine -- but it's been like that for years and years. I think because he is the first male that I ever truly loved and respected. It took forever for me to love and respect my dad -- and my older brother Ken was always in trouble, but when we were growing up, Ron was the only male that I trusted and truly loved. Even later in life I always counted on him and believed in him when I couldn't bring myself to count on or believe in any other men in my life. I always wanted to believe in men, but so many of them let me down and made me aware that they just weren't very dependable.

Then the day came when I found out that my brother had turned to drugs to drown out some of his problems and woes and I was beside myself with grief and sadness. I prayed that Ron would overcome his additction, his angels and spirit guides would touch his soul and keep him from doing further harm to himself and those who loved him so very much. Finally the day came and Ron did indeed give up the drugs, the alcohol. He is raising his beautiful daughter pretty much on his own and doing an amazing job under the circumstances. I am constantly in awe of his ability to keep food in the house, clothes on his child and transportation to get her to and from school. He always makes sure that she has the dental and medical care that she needs and keeps a warm roof over her head.

Words cannot describe how very much I love my younger brother. He is a true friend and a sweet soul and a blessing to my life. I am so very glad that I am finally back home where I can share in bits and pieces of his and my beautiful neices's life at times. I love them both so very much!

Happy Birthday To My Sis

Today is My sister, Cathy's birthday and I am so happy to be able to wish her a very happy birthday! She truly is an awesome woman and of course, it goes without saying that she is a fantastic and wonderful sister--but even better--she is also one of the dearest and most cherished friends that I have. Cathy has a heart of gold and a soul to match. She is a kind and caring person who truly cares about those she interacts with in her life. We are all so lucky and blessed to have her to love and share this life with!

Cathy and I have known each other almost all of our lives. I'm only 19 months older than she is and truly, it seems like she has always been a part of my life and I am so very glad!

As children growing up, I remember Cat coming up with some of the most ingenious games to play when we would be bored and looking for something to do. During the long hot summers, we'd play a game that was ongoing called "boarding school" which was inspired by a book we'd read called "The Secret Language." Sometimes we'd play outside and I remember after the movie "Bonnie and Clyde" came out--we somehow managed to get hold of some ketchup and old sheets of mom's and tore up the sheets to make bandages and used the ketchup for "blood" and got the neighborhood gang over -- and entertained the people in their cars driving by our house with our antics of shooting each other with our homemade stick guns and lying "wounded" with the white bandages wrapped with the ketchup to cover our various "wounds."

Then there's the time we (Cathy and one of my other sisters) decided to jump out of our upstairs bedroom window--(I can't remember what inspired this, a dare perhaps?). Seems like we were all three going to do it, but guess who the only one was that truly jumped??? Yep--Cathy. I couldn't believe she landed without breaking any bones--but she did!

And who always came through for me when I was a teenager and had so many babysitting jobs that sometimes I would have two or three families needing me at once? I could always count on Cathy to help out and to take one of the jobs for me so I could babysit for my "favorite" family. My other sister would often step in too.

Cathy and I shared a room growing up and we used to talk late into the night -- especially on those hot summer nights when it was almost impossible to sleep anyway. She and I would talk about anything and everything. Finally, when we would be to the point of exhaustion, we'd say "goodnight"--but we had a rule that after you said "goodnight" there would be no more conversation. UNLESS one invoked "S M M--which stood for "speak my mind"--only then could the person needing to speak her mind begin a conversation again.

And of course, there was the time when we decided to move our twin beds together to make them into one big bed--but of course we still had our boundaries--heaven forbid should one of us land in or cross the "giant's crack"--("ooh gross--you're in the giant's crack!" or "eewww--you touched the giant's crack!") Only sisters can come up with something that silly and crazy and then crack up about it then and years later!

Now, don't get me wrong--Cathy and I had our moments of complete disagreement too--I remember some knock down drag out fights where we did true bodily harm to one another. Once we were fighting out on the driveway and I kicked at Cathy and she blocked it with her hand and I wound up spraining her thumb--and another time, she and I were chasing each other through the house and I slammed the door behind me, then decided to open it to see if she was still coming, but about that time, she banged the door open just in time to catch the edge of the door on my face--that left a nice little scar down the left side of my face for a few weeks....ah--sisters!!!

Fast forward to years later though...

Just recently I was in the hospital recovering from my surgery and every morning, I'd open my eyes and there was my sis--stopping by to see me and check to see how I was doing on her way to work. Each time I saw her, my heart felt so warm and so good inside--I literally felt the love my sister was sending to me from her heart and I cannot describe the comfort it gave me knowing that she cares so much about me. But the beautiful thing is, I care that much about her and about my other sisters and my brothers too. I am so very blessed

What a wonderful Blessing for me to be able to wish my sister a very happy birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CATHY!!! I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH!

Hello February!

Well, I didn't expect to be greeted quite in such a way--woke up the first day of this month feeling pretty good. Made it to my dr. appt. for my post op exam just fine and got a great report from my doc (who is one of the world's best, btw). She cautioned me to continue to take it easy, but said I could drive, take nice long, liesurely walks, go shopping, but no lifting anything over 10 lbs. still.

So, I took it pretty easy for the rest of the day--went shopping and got a few things--and picked up a treat for myself--I'd been drinking water all day and decided that I just had to have a diet dr. pepper -- so bought a 20 oz. one while I was out and made it last for a few hours. But by the time I had finished drinking it, I was feeling awful--my bladder was spazzing really hard and it was a pain I hadn't even felt before and it did scare me -- so I finally get home and call my doc and she prescribes rest and motrin and water and to eat a meal so the motrin wouldn't upset my stomach, then told me that maybe the dr. pepper wasn't such a good idea. Darn! So, looks like dr. pepper is not on my agenda anytime soon. Just as well--I guess....

Anyway--I am feeling better today except that I am TIRED. Moreso than I have been! Of course, my doc also suggested that I take a pain pill at bedtime and I did and maybe it's just the "hangover" effect from that thing. Whatever it is, I haven't accomplished much at all today except laying on the couch.

So, hello February. I'm counting on finding the rest of this month alot more enjoyable than the first two days have been...

(Wish me luck!)

One good thing--I have had time to read a bit and this book I'm reading is truly inspirational and awesome and helpful! It's by an amazing man named Bill Bartman and is entitled: Billionaire--Secrets to Success. A wonderful friend loaned it to me and so far, I have truly enjoyed reading it.

Goodbye January!

Well, here it is the last day of January and I can't say that I'm sorry to see it come to an end. No, I don't hate the month--I am just elated that we are getting that much closer to SPRING and warmer weather!!! I am so ready to be cozy warm and get to be outside and dig in the dirt, ride my trikke and be gainfully employed and perhaps even firgure out what I'm going to do about school.

But another exciting thing about the coming of Spring is we have two babies on the way in our family. My sister's daughter is due in March and My daughter is due in June and both are boys!!! We are so excited--just imagine--two little guys to fuss over! My sister and I sure love being the proud grandma's of our grandchildren and both of us know that we are richly blessed!

So, saying goodbye to January isn't hard for me at all...I just hope that February goes fast and that March is a warm and fun month! But whatever the seasons bring, I am glad that I'm here and glad that I am near people who love me and that I love so very much. My heartfelt wish is that ALL those I know and LOVE so very much could live here and love this area as much as I do. I don't know if I could ever stand to leave Okie land again--at least not beyond leaving to go visit for awhile. I feel so at home here and so welcomed by all.

This is a beautiful place. I just wish everyone I loved felt that way...(sigh)

Oh well--no matter what, no matter how far apart my friends and loved ones are--always my love is there and always I will care.

Good bye January!

Universal Heartfelt Prayers

Dear God and Angels, Dear Universe and Spirit Guides,
Please, please bless all of my loved ones and let good and wonderful things come to each of them. Please bless my friends, both the long time friends and my new found ones and let good and wonderful things happen for them, as well.Please shine the blessings of GOOD HEALTH on each of my loved ones, on each of my friends and allow them to share this life with me for a very long time. I am so grateful and thankful for all the blessings I have received. I count my loved ones and friends as true blessings and cherish each of them more than words can say. Please guide me and help me to know how to be a good, caring, loving friend and help me to always show the vast love and devotion that I hold in my heart. Please help each of my loved ones and friends to understand how very special and dear they are to me and that I value each of them for just who they are. I do not expect anyone to change for me--all I expect is to have them accept this love I carry and to know that they are smiling from within. I am so truly blessed and mainly want each of the people in my world to know the heartfelt joy and abundance of love that I feel each and every day. May all of you feel this inner peace and joy and serenity that envelopes my soul. I am never alone. Thank you God. Thank you Angels. Thank you Spirit Guides and Thank you Universe. I am truly, truly a very fortunate woman to be given the blessing of living on this great earth of ours. Waking up each morning is a joy and gift that I am so very grateful for. Thank you~! (And I'm especially grateful to be able to wish my dear friend and soulmate, Jan, a very happy birthday and a Wonderful Year ahead!!!)

Amazing Grace--Not

Well, I wish I could say that I am quite graceful and skilled on my new toy--but unfortunately--such is NOT the case! One thing for sure though is that I've sure had fun trying!

I got this new toy (my Trikke) not long ago and put it together only to find out that one of the parts was designed wrong for this particular machine, so had to wait on the correct part. It finally came just a few days ago and as soon as I got it slapped on that baby--I started trying to "master" this thing. Now, I will tell you, I have had more fun trying to learn it than I've ever had before when it comes to a sport. Rollerblading was unnerving in the learning phase and as a kid learning to ride a bike was just hard work for me. I am just not athletically inclined like some folks are--I have to work, work, work to get good at any thing that requires fine motor skills and coordination. The same is true with this Trikke--it looks far easier than it really is (when you watch the videos--go to http://www.trikke.com/ and you'll see what I mean). But, oh--it is so much fun learning it! I'll get this down, just you wait and see!

The first day I got on it, I did get it going fairly well and promptly developed a little too much confidence and boom! Next thing I know I'm picking myself up off the ground and untangling from the Trikke. Yep--got a very nice sized bruise on the outside of my right thigh -- but oh well--all part of the learning curve...

Now here is the sad part: I am getting ready to go in for "major" surgery today (this afternoon) and for the next 6 weeks or so I have to let that Trikke stand alone out in my garage and am forbidden to even get on it and try to ride it. Can't risk screwing up the healing process after the surgery. Arrgh! But that's okay--my daughter in law says it will serve as good incentive for me to hurry up and get all better--and you know what? I think she's right! It definitely will give me incentive to follow "orders" and to get my health on track so that when I am all healed I can go at it "full force" and learn this thing.

I have such peace of mind about my surgery--I know my angels, my spirit guides and my god is with me and will be guiding my doctors' hands as they work on me and work to get me to feeling like a real human being again. I have so much love surrounding me that I know all will go well and that in the weeks to come, I will be well on the way to feeling wonderful again. My goal is to be healthy and fit and to live out the rest of my life in good physical shape and to be around for a LONG time to "torment" all those who I know and love and to drive them crazy and be as ornery as I can. Hee Hee! :)

I know beyond a doubt how very blessed I am to have so many in my life who love me and care. Thank you so very much to all of you who do love me and thank you for your kindness from your hearts, for your help whenever I am in need and for your love and warmth. Each of you are so very special and dear to me and I am so very thankful!

I love you David, Jenny and Amy so very, very much~! Please know how very proud I am of each of you~~I feel like the luckiest Mom in the world to have such three beautiful, intelligent and wise children who are truly good and kind hearted people. A mother cannot ask for anything more than that. Yes, I am SO VERY BLESSED!!!!