An Early Birthday Gift

Tomorrow is my 53rd birthday, but yesterday (last evening) I was given one of my birthday presents early and it was one of the nicest gifts I have ever received! My dear friend that I have known since I was a kid on Briarlane called me and we talked for well over an hour. I had been missing her terribly and talking to her suddenly made my world feel so right and good again!!!

Loretta has always been like a big sister to me and has always brightened my days since I first met her. When I was a kid, she used to take the time to really listen to the things that poured out of my heart and she always made me feel like I mattered to her. I loved babysitting her kiddos because it was something I could do to help repay her for all the times she made me feel loved and accepted--plus her kids were so adorable and fun to be with too!

Even now, when we talk--she makes me feel like I am the only one in her world at the moment--giving me her full attention and listening to all the craziness going on in my life. She laughs with me, makes me know that I truly do matter to her even when her life is so very busy and full.

I needed to hear Loretta's voice last night. For days I have been dealing with my elderly neighbor (who I love dearly) and worrying about her health--and my anxiety levels were rising daily. So much that I have been having "chest pains" that make absolutely no sense. Between talking to Loretta and then later hearing the soothing and caring voice of my soulmate and best friend--I felt so very much at peace and calmed and when I awoke this morning, the pains are gone, I feel rested and once again feel like my world is GOOD!!!

Thank you, Loretta for taking the time to call. Thank you for spending those minutes with me and for sharing with me what is going on in your world and for letting me share with you. Always you will be precious and dear to my heart as are all those in your family. You are not my sister by blood, but always, always you are my sister by choice and in my heart. I love you dearly. I am so blessed to have you in my life and the many others who love me and care!!! Life is GOOD!!!

Am I so wrong? Seeking Understanding

No one really understands this complete and total love I feel for other people. I just love people and genuinely accept them and care and in so doing, I see the goodness and the wondrous gifts that they have to share and it makes me love them even more.

The few that I "fall" for are the ones who truly touch me and the ones who allow me to see deep inside of them. There are many that I care about that keep their aura's so hidden that even though I know they are basically good and kind, I do not try to get too close because they have just enough negativity that escapes to build a barrier I dare not cross. But so many are so open with their goodness and kindness and so in NEED. It is when I feel this huge need and I realize that in loving these people I can bring happiness and warmth and acceptance into their lives that I allow my heart to open and accept and then to give. And when that happens, that is when MY HAPPINESS abounds and this joy that people see is there because I am truly feeling genuine love both coming from me and to me.

But so many see that as wrong. Not just my love--but very many people in my life view my way of loving as "dangerous" or "haphazard" or "too giving, too soon, too much, too fast." But I don't b.s. people. I am just ME. When I find someone who touches my core and who I can truly relate with and to, I am an open book and share what is in essence, the REAL me. Those who are in need, who are open to receiving this gift that I have to share seem to rejoice and be thankful to find someone who truly cares and who is honest and straight and doesn't "play head games" just to make a new friend. I did that years and years ago and it only led to misunderstandings and pain. I don't need that anymore.

Now that I have found the beauty of a joyful existence, I know that all I have to do is just be who I truly am and those who are good and who truly care will stick around. Those who are not good move on because they cannot understand someone so basic and so true. They seem to believe that at any moment an ulterior motive is going to surface and spoil it all. Well, my only ulterior motive in being this way, this woman of true warmth and joy and love, is that I just love to love. I love to see the light shine in someone's eyes and know that light is coming straight form their heart. I love to know too, that in my own little way, I help put that light there and helped to bring goodness into their life even if only for a little while, even if it's just for a few days. Every ounce of happiness that escapes from my being is because of this joy that exists within me through giving and receiving very real and very true love. But to so many in today's world, I seem to be doing things all wrong. Now and then I have to wonder, "am I wrong? Should I try to change?"

I don't want to change though. This is who I am. I just wish those who love me, who meet me along the way would accept ME for ME and just allow me to live my life with the Joy of Giving my heart the only way I know how. And that is just by being kind, caring, giving, loving and REAL. That's all I know how to do, to be.