Loving Willa

Originally written on January 18, 2008--(Accidentally erased in early September)


I met her briefly when I first bought my house. At the time, she just seemed like another elderly lady who lived alone and was kind of eccentric in her own little ways. I figured she would never understand or get along with the likes of me, so didn't try too hard to get further acquainted with her. But part of me really wished I could get to know her anyway...

Then came the ice storm in early December 2007. Along with the ice storm came the power outages and as I sat in my house in the cold darkness, I began to wonder and worry about my elderly neighbor lady next door. At least I had a wood burning fireplace. What if she was over there with no source of heat at all?

So, off I go, traipsing across the frozen grass--cringing as each step crunched under my feet. I felt saddened to look around at all the trees on our street that were laden with ice. My neighbor's tree had already dropped a huge chunk of a limb. I shook my head in sadness, then turned back to my "mission" and knocked on my neighbor's door.

It took a few minutes, but she finally made it to the door wrapped in a blanket. She opens the door, "Why hello there, come on in!" she greets me warmly. I walk into her home and could smell the foul odor of kerosene--she was burning two kerosene lamps so she had light--ugh--the smell made me a little sick and I worried that it wasn't good for Willa to be sitting in this cold house breathing those fumes. I manage to talk her into coming over to my place and hanging out with me--we turned out her kerosene lamps and brought over her big flashlight and her medications (she's diabetic) and we slowly made the distance of our yards back over to my place.

I had the fire going and it was doing quite well and put off a good amount of light and heat. We sat there in front of the fire and chatted and got to know one another. I loved hearing stories about her life--she's 86 years young and has lived through a lot of changes. Willa has survived the death of her daughter many years ago--a tragic accident took her daughter's young life at the age of 25--leaving behind two little boys. Willa played a huge role in shaping her grandson's lives and I know that they must think the world of this strong, caring woman. When Willa was only in her 40's, she lost her husband of many years to cancer and found herself alone and on her own. She had been dabbling in the real estate business while her husband was alive, but now it became a necessitated career and apparently she did quite well at it.

Since that day in early December when the power was out, I have come to know and love Willa quite dearly. She is a wonderful lady and full of life--though like most people her age, she hates that her body is not as cooperative as it once was. Still she is someone that I cherish and truly am blessed to have in my life and always I will be thankful that the power was off that cold December day. Losing the power gave me the power to get acquainted with this fascinating and very nice, caring woman who still has so much to share with me and the rest of the world.

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An Update On My Beloved Willa--September 28, 2008

These last several months Willa has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and it has been a very painful ordeal for all those who love her so dearly. Watching this vibrant, fun woman deteriorate before our very eyes has been a torment that is so very hard to convey--but the beauty is that every now and then, the Willa we all know and love comes through and even though it's just for a few brief moments--it does my heart good to get those glimpses.

All too soon Willa will have to leave with her son to go live in Florida. One of her grandson's and his sweet family lives there. Her son is also planning on retiring there in the near future--so it makes sense that they move her to be closer to her relatives. Hopefully they will be able to find her a very nice assisted living center and make sure that she is in very good hands. My sweet Willa truly does need round the clock care, as she has lost her ability to remember the important details of her life such as remembering to take her insulin injections on time, remembering her pills, remembering to check her sugar levels, remembering to eat sometimes...

But as I said, now and then our true Willa surfaces and when that keen sense of humor of hers kicks in and she's smiling and feeling mischievous.

My sisters and one of my nieces and my sweet cousin, Susie and I all got together the other night. Susie set up her karaoke machine and we were having a great time with it and then Susie had to leave with her oldest daughter for a bit and when she came back she said that Willa was sitting outside on her front porch. We went over there and Willa sure enough was sitting outside with two of her great grandchildren and then another little one appeared. We brought them over to my house to join us in singing for a bit. Willa wasn't real sure she wanted to do this, but then, I wasn't giving her much of a choice...

Once there, she sits on the couch and her sweet little 11 year old grand daughter doesn't hesitate too long before she takes over with the "mike" and starts singing to some of the tunes that Susie is playing on her machine. Willa was loving it and enjoying it so much that she asked me to run over to her house and tell her son and her grandson (the children's dad) to come over and hear this. So I went to get them and they stayed for a bit and listened to this little girl with her sweet melodic voice and Willa was smiling and enjoying herself. We ended the evening with a couple of fun songs, "Zipadee doo da and Zipadee day" and also "Supercalfragilistic" and Willa actually sang along with us and looked as though she were having a great time.

I walked Willa and her grand kids back to her house next door and as we walked, our arms around one another's waist, Willa told me, "Well, Sugar, that sure was a fun party!" I don't know if she will remember it for long, but hearing those words brought tears of joy to my eyes and I hugged her and told her that I loved her as she went back into her house.

I do love my Willa. Please, dear angels, dear spirit guides, dear Universe, help my Willa and all those in her sweet family to get through this and please guide each of them and touch their hearts to be kind and understanding of this woman who I know we all love so very dearly.

Please, Willa, please, please try to remember me just a little. You have been a joy in my life and I am so thankful for your friendship and warmth and kindness. Having you to confide in, to share my hopes, my fears, my crazy life with has helped me so very much and I truly appreciate each moment that we were able to share. Always, my dear Willa, you are in my heart and always, you and those in your family are in my prayers. God Bless...

Another Wonderful Birthday Gift!

I guess we'll just call my 53rd birthday the birthday that just keeps on giving! I was given another wonderful gift this very day--the gift of hearing my good friend, Cheryl's voice over the telephone wires. She had left me a voice mail yesterday apologizing for having missed my birthday and by a wonderful stroke of luck, I happened to call her back today just as she was getting home from work!

Hearing her voice was absolutely one of the nicest and most precious gifts I could have ever received! So what if it's not my birthday! Anytime I talk to Cheryl it truly feels like a very special occasion because she is so wonderful at listening and really hearing what I have to say and she gives me wonderful, very thoughtful feedback which is always positive and heartfelt. After two hours of talking to her, my heart feels light, I'm smiling and feeling even more blessed than ever. You see, she is a very dear friend who I met up in Minnesota, one who has touched my heart from early on and I am so glad that my angels sent her into my life. She helped to pull me through some very rough times and kept me grounded when I needed someone to truly listen and care.

Cheryl has so very much wisdom and such a good, kind heart and I feel so honored to count her among my cherished friends. She makes me smile and reminds me that this world I live in is truly GOOD.

Thank you, Cheryl, for your time today--the two plus hours we spent chatting and catching up was such a wonderful way to spend my Sunday evening. You are a true and very cherished treasure of a friend and I am so blessed to have met you when I lived up in MN. Thank you for being my friend, for the smiles. I will always cherish any time that we are able to share and hope that my day to day "antics" and "adventures" give you a few smiles too!

Thank you for the times you think of me, take time to listen and to care. You are so very awesome in so many ways and all who know you must surely see the strong, wise and very caring woman that you are. I know I do!

God Bless!

An Early Birthday Gift

Tomorrow is my 53rd birthday, but yesterday (last evening) I was given one of my birthday presents early and it was one of the nicest gifts I have ever received! My dear friend that I have known since I was a kid on Briarlane called me and we talked for well over an hour. I had been missing her terribly and talking to her suddenly made my world feel so right and good again!!!

Loretta has always been like a big sister to me and has always brightened my days since I first met her. When I was a kid, she used to take the time to really listen to the things that poured out of my heart and she always made me feel like I mattered to her. I loved babysitting her kiddos because it was something I could do to help repay her for all the times she made me feel loved and accepted--plus her kids were so adorable and fun to be with too!

Even now, when we talk--she makes me feel like I am the only one in her world at the moment--giving me her full attention and listening to all the craziness going on in my life. She laughs with me, makes me know that I truly do matter to her even when her life is so very busy and full.

I needed to hear Loretta's voice last night. For days I have been dealing with my elderly neighbor (who I love dearly) and worrying about her health--and my anxiety levels were rising daily. So much that I have been having "chest pains" that make absolutely no sense. Between talking to Loretta and then later hearing the soothing and caring voice of my soulmate and best friend--I felt so very much at peace and calmed and when I awoke this morning, the pains are gone, I feel rested and once again feel like my world is GOOD!!!

Thank you, Loretta for taking the time to call. Thank you for spending those minutes with me and for sharing with me what is going on in your world and for letting me share with you. Always you will be precious and dear to my heart as are all those in your family. You are not my sister by blood, but always, always you are my sister by choice and in my heart. I love you dearly. I am so blessed to have you in my life and the many others who love me and care!!! Life is GOOD!!!

Am I so wrong? Seeking Understanding

No one really understands this complete and total love I feel for other people. I just love people and genuinely accept them and care and in so doing, I see the goodness and the wondrous gifts that they have to share and it makes me love them even more.

The few that I "fall" for are the ones who truly touch me and the ones who allow me to see deep inside of them. There are many that I care about that keep their aura's so hidden that even though I know they are basically good and kind, I do not try to get too close because they have just enough negativity that escapes to build a barrier I dare not cross. But so many are so open with their goodness and kindness and so in NEED. It is when I feel this huge need and I realize that in loving these people I can bring happiness and warmth and acceptance into their lives that I allow my heart to open and accept and then to give. And when that happens, that is when MY HAPPINESS abounds and this joy that people see is there because I am truly feeling genuine love both coming from me and to me.

But so many see that as wrong. Not just my love--but very many people in my life view my way of loving as "dangerous" or "haphazard" or "too giving, too soon, too much, too fast." But I don't b.s. people. I am just ME. When I find someone who touches my core and who I can truly relate with and to, I am an open book and share what is in essence, the REAL me. Those who are in need, who are open to receiving this gift that I have to share seem to rejoice and be thankful to find someone who truly cares and who is honest and straight and doesn't "play head games" just to make a new friend. I did that years and years ago and it only led to misunderstandings and pain. I don't need that anymore.

Now that I have found the beauty of a joyful existence, I know that all I have to do is just be who I truly am and those who are good and who truly care will stick around. Those who are not good move on because they cannot understand someone so basic and so true. They seem to believe that at any moment an ulterior motive is going to surface and spoil it all. Well, my only ulterior motive in being this way, this woman of true warmth and joy and love, is that I just love to love. I love to see the light shine in someone's eyes and know that light is coming straight form their heart. I love to know too, that in my own little way, I help put that light there and helped to bring goodness into their life even if only for a little while, even if it's just for a few days. Every ounce of happiness that escapes from my being is because of this joy that exists within me through giving and receiving very real and very true love. But to so many in today's world, I seem to be doing things all wrong. Now and then I have to wonder, "am I wrong? Should I try to change?"

I don't want to change though. This is who I am. I just wish those who love me, who meet me along the way would accept ME for ME and just allow me to live my life with the Joy of Giving my heart the only way I know how. And that is just by being kind, caring, giving, loving and REAL. That's all I know how to do, to be.

Finding Friendship In Today's World

There is just something about looking forward to the wonders and gifts that knowing a new friend can bring. Now, I'm not talking about material gifts--I'm talking about the gift of finding out what makes another person smile, finding out what adventures and excitement has unfolded in this new friend's life. Isn't it exciting and awesome to meet new people and then find (sometimes to our amazement) that these folks we have just met have lived sometimes almost parallel lives to ours? Who knew?! The magic of friendship is in recognizing that all of us are here to give of ourselves in the hopes that we will receive in return. Those who claim to give completely selflessly are either liars or truly fooling themselves--but never fooling others. Most people can recognize a true and giving heart. Most people will respond to a joyful heart and one who is upbeat and positive because it is positivity and forward thinking that Makes Things Happen. (A very good friend taught me that).
Friendship and warmth are what makes the world go around. Along with the friendship and warmth eventually comes love if the two friends click and find that one another's personal quirks are not so annoying that they cannot blend into the realm of caring and sharing. Alot of folks are intolerant of all who are different and don't hold the same belief system as you do--but my challenge to all people is to just try to embrace someone whose views differ from yours. Take this person into your heart and do your best to at least understand and comprehend their view point. No, you don't have to agree. But at least keep an open mind and lo and behold--you may find that in spite of your differences, you have found a TRUE and CARING friend.
If we all had the same ideas, the same needs, wants, desires and the same opinions and view points--would not this world be a totally boring place to live? I choose to embrace and care and include all walks of life into my world of existence. I share my heart, my warmth, my world with all those who dare to enter my realm of existence--for in my world--there is no prejudice, no hate, no taboos--save for those who are truly evil. And should I run into someone who is evil--I side step them and send a prayer up to my angels, my spirit guides, my Universe to cleanse their tormented soul and help them to find inner peace. Evil comes from an inherent need to be loved and accepted and from pure ignorance of finding the proper ways to ask and seek out that love and acceptance.
Friendship is such a beautiful gift to both give and to receive. It is human nature to want to be accepted by others, to want to be genuinely cared for and treasured for who you TRULY are. A real friend will accept and overlook minor flaws and strive to give joy as well as receive joy from the union of two lone souls who just happened to find a blended path. And should the day come when those friends must part and go separate ways, imagine the gifts that you get to take along as you bid farewell! The gift of having known and loved and cared and learned. For each friend, each soul we meet along the way has a unique story to tell, wondrous life lessons to teach, awesome talents to share and genuine smiles and hugs and real, honest to god warmth to exude from their heart. Just how beautiful is THAT??? Friendship. Don't pass it by. Please stay open and let those souls in who are seeking a true and caring friend. Who doesn't need a friend? I know I do. Always I am open to meeting someone new. I hope you will be too!!! #

Inspirational Sunsets, Clouds

I keep wondering just what it is about preserving life's beautiful moments with pictures...

I find myself traveling through my days, my evenings with camera in hand--I am always looking through a camera lens, trying my best to capture life's most beautiful moments, the artistic displays of nature, the wondrous and fantastic exhibitions that the sky, the clouds, the sunsets perform for me, and for you too. I hope you will enjoy these pictures. Each one "speaks" to me of it's beauty, of the wondrous and beautiful life and blessings that we are given each and every day.

These are just a few of the moments in time I have tried to capture. More to come in the days ahead...

Life is Such a Gift!!!

This life is such a gift! Never have I been more aware of that than these last few weeks. You see, I have had the awesome honor and true pleasure of spending time with my oldest daughter and her sweet family. This has been a very special time, as we have all been awaiting the birth of their newest family member, little Colton. He arrived at 7:15 a.m. on June 5, 2008.
Jenny had carried this child in her womb all these long months and already, we had all come to love him dearly. Even little Camden would walk up to Jenny's hugely swollen pregnant belly and wrap those little arms around her mommy and say, "I love you baby brother."
Jenny was so laden with child and so uncomfortable that I arrived in May to help her through those last weeks of pregnancy. She kept having strong contractions and she was so sure he was going to be born just any moment, but little Colton took his time and only came 2 weeks ahead of his scheduled due date. Thankfully, he was a good weight (8 pounds, 14 ounces) and was quite healthy, save for a bit of jaundice!
I was able to be with my daughter and her husband when their precious son was born and oh my, what a wondrous and beautiful blessing and truly awesome experience! To be able to comfort and encourage my beautiful daughter as she goes through the pains of labor--to see the love flowing between her and her husband, to watch as my daughter so bravely handles her fears and the pain--words can never really describe it adequately! I was so very proud of Jen as she was so determined to have this baby vaginally (her doctor had stated they might need to do a c-section). But that's my daughter. Whenever she decides to do something, she does it!
And now, as I prepare to take my leave after spending a beautiful week getting acquainted with my grandson and helping this little family as best as I can, I leave with a very full heart. I watch my daughter and her husband as they strive to adjust to this wonderful new addition to their family and I feel such pride and assurance that they will all do just fine. Big sister will soon realize the magnitude of her new role, Jenny and Nick will have plenty of love to share with their children and one another and this little family will bond and bring much joy and excitement and many adventures to us all as the years unfold.
I know my angels, my spirit guides, my god and my Universe will surround each of them with love and nurturing guidance (just as they do me and all of my other precious gifts of my loved ones). We all are so very blessed in this life. Yes, life is such a gift! Each morning that I awake, I am abundantly thankful!

Clouds

LOOK WHO'S HERE!!!

I couldn't resist showing off our new addition! Baby Colton was born into a very loving family on June 5th at 7:15 a.m. Mommy, Daddy, Big Sis and Grandma Pam are all excited to have him here and doing well! With Awesome thanks to all who sent wonderfully good vibes and prayers for his safe "journery" into this life!~

My Magnificent Daughter, Jennifer Kay

I remember watching you when you were little--that tiny little petite strawberry blond girl and thinking, "What a wonderful mother you will make some day." I used to watch you take such loving care of your dolls, but you also tried to "mother" your older brother when you both were still pre-school age and then later, when your baby sister came along and she was growing up, you watched over her so lovingly and worried and fretted over her just as if she were your very own child.

Remember taking your sleepy headed little sis into your bed so that you could make sure that she would continue breathing during the night? You were convinced that she had sleep apnea and for all we know you were right--the doctors said that she could very well stop breathing for a few seconds at night, but she would grow out of it one day. Still, you were more comfortable checking on her and keeping her near you. It touched my heart how much you worried about her.

And now I watch you with your own little girl--you, very pregnant and ready to give birth just any day now (to a little boy this time)--and you are such a loving, strong, caring mom. I have such a great admiration for how you handle your child--the loving patience and sweetness you display even when you are extremely exhausted. It amazes me to watch you continue with your daughter's established routine at bed time--your continued determination to fix meals for her and your sweet husband. It melts my heart whenever I hear Cami's sweet little voice telling you she loves you or whenever she is pretending and I hear her talking to her toys in the same loving tones that you use with her.

I loved the time that my puppy was crying and Cami was soothing him, "It's okay, Mr. Paws, it's alright. I'll take care of you..." was her soothing refrain when he first came here and was unsure of his surroundings. I knew that her soothing tone came straight from what she experienced with her loving mommy.

What pride it gives me to know that you have grown into such a beautifully loving and caring young woman! You are a wonderful wife to your sweet husband, a fantastic friend and daughter and a fabulous mother to your daughter and I know you will be just as wonderful with your newborn son. I am honored to be a part of your family, to get to see you "in action" with this sweet little family of yours. You truly are a magnificent woman in every sense of the word. May you always know how very proud you make me and all those who love you!


With Heartfelt Love,


Mom